A Personal Story by Gail Fernandez, RN- Nurse Supervisor

It’s no surprise I ended up working in the field of Human Reproduction. Having been on an infertility journey myself, I was drawn there. The special feeling I had inside after having been through the ordeal never left me. I wanted to help those with the anguish, depression, failure and feelings of worthlessness that I too once experienced.

These heartaches run deep, they hurt so badly. To compound these feelings of despair, you have to ‘buckle up’ and smile when you hear from your friend or sister in law or cousin when they revel in the delight of a newly diagnosed pregnancy. It seems to pervade your life. Everyone you know is pregnant except you.

I’ll never forget the devastating feeling of being in the bathroom and crying because once again, another month gone by and I got my period. It’s an indescribable feeling that hurts so much it’s nearly unbearable– and though my husband was supportive, I never really felt that he understood this feeling of hopelessness.

So the days and the months and the years went by– my life became like clockwork, analyzing the countless temperature charts (this was before the days of IVF). Sex became a chore rather than a pleasure. The clinic visits, the testing, the pills, the temperatures, the hunger for information…….

My story ends on a happy note, though bittersweet. I kept at it. We adopted a wonderful baby boy only to succumb to another devastating loss when the birth mother changed her mind. Three months after this life changing incident, lo and behold, I was pregnant with twins!!!

Therein, lies the ecstasy. I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy though emotionally charged. It was perhaps the most memorable experience of my life. I now have not only my 26 year old identical girls but also a ’surprise’ 22 year old boy. Be it a prayer, luck or God’s will, I consider myself blessed.

I urge everybody to pursue their goals because there is an answer for everyone. Work through the pain, keep yourselves busy and persevere. That being said, when we get the news of a birth from our patients it brings a joyful tear to my eye. The best part of my job is seeing our patients realize their dreams.

One Response to “The Agony and the Ecstasy”